I AM...BEOWULF!!!!!!!!!

Awkward date.

• Female: So, Beowulf, what are you into?
• Beo: Oh, you know, what all men are into. Slaying demons, hanging out with the boys at Heorot, that sort of thing.
• Female: Demons! OH BEOWULF, TELL ME MORE!
• Beo: Well, I don't meant to brag, but just recently I dismembered one nasty bugger, Grendel. Not much a party-goer, I'd say. Apparently, he was very offended by the ruckus at Heorot. He would often hunt for my fellow comrades.
• Female: Oh, how impressive!
• Beo: Hrothgar, my king, begged for me to destroy this demon because he knew I was the man for the job. So I embarked on a journey, discovered Grendel in his scummy swamp, and you know what I did?
• Female: What!?
• Beo: I RIPPED HIS ARM OFF, WOMAN, THAT'S WHAT I DID. YES! I DID IT.
• Female: My oh my, Beowulf of Geats, you are the definition of a man!
• Beo: Thank you, m'lady. But even someone, so heroic as I, feels remorse for their actions. Shortly after the demise of Grendy, I slain his haggard old mama. She swore she would avenge the death of her son by murdering Hrothgar's most trusted advisor, Aeschere.
• Female: -Frantically sobbing-
• Beo: Yes, I know. It was most tragic. I WOULD NOT STAND FOR SUCH NONSENSE.
• Female: -More sobbing-
• Beo: So I ventured to that hag's underwater lair. Upon my arrival, I saw her in her utter hag-ness. THEN I DROVE MY SWORD INTO HER HIDEOUS BOSOM.
• Female: -is passed out-
• Beo: Uhm...okay.I guess you don't want to hear the part where I became filthy rich.